Ghosts of Entertainment Past

I feel like a poser...a lot. I feel like more of a has-been than Radio Shack Teri Hatcher, and I'm only 30. Although I did just score my first paid freelance animation gig a few months ago, sans agent, I still haven't had a job in TV in 5 years. So every Hollywood/TV story I have is either 5 years old, or second hand from friends who are still in the assistant world. I seriously want to slap myself when I say, "On 'Days of Our Lives' blah, blah, blah, happened," or "Josh Schwartz is a hack, I worked on his first pilot (6 years ago when he was 23 freakin' years old) and it was such a piece of shit, the network didn't even give us notes." But for some reason, I can't stop myself. I think it's because my brain believes that if I stop telling the stories, it was like those years working and being happy on the NBC and Warner Bros. lots never happened at all. I know better than that...yet I persist.

And then, there's "Gilmore Girls." Sigh. The fact that the show is still on is the only reason I can get away with telling the same stories from the Writers' trailer in Season One. That's right, I only worked there Season One, and a few days in Season Two as a favor to Helen, the script cooridinator, now producer. Did I mention this was 5 years ago? Hello, nice to meet you, my name is Poser Fox.

I didn't set out to be that girl...the one who tells and re-tells stories from years gone by, but I actually had a pretty decent time as GG's first (and best, goddamnit) Writers' P.A. After suffering through endless grocery runs, lunch runs, coffee runs, marathon 100 mile script delivery routes and 18 hour days, I settled in to a pretty decent gig. I went to amazing parties, met amazing people, went to the Paley festival with the show, attended the Golden Globe parties...but even more exciting, I got to hang out with the writing staff while they broke stories, and played games with them at lunch. It was kinda cruel actually, to be that close to the promised land of "the room" and not be able to truly participate. They gave me the infamous and ubiquitous Story by Robert McKee for my 25th birthday, and I felt as if I had been inducted into a secret society...the, "we think you can make it in this business, kid," society. Stuff like that made all the shitty days seem not so shitty.

Then at the end of Season One, I decided to leave. They wouldn't promote me because the current writers' assistant wasn't leaving...there was nowhere for me to go if I wanted to move up the chain. I foolishly thought that pre-WGA strike (that never fucking happened), I'd jump onto another show as a writer's assistant. No such luck, and then with 9/11, I was really fucked. Two words: Reality TV...and then there was nothing out there, and I ended up having to go back into the "real world." Needless to say, the real world sucks.

As I've drifted through the last 5 years, I keep getting assaulted with ghosts of GG past. I run into actors at the Coffee Bean, writers at Panera and Starbucks, my fancy/scary/enigmatic boss Gavin Polone at Leonor's Vegetarian Mexican restaurant, and finally, a few days ago. My friend and fellow writer, Romi and I were walking out of the Arclight theater when who do I see...Amy Sherman Palladino and her husband Dan Palladino (Of first season Family Guy fame...I still bow down to him for allowing me at the last read through of the show before it was cancelled). I haven't seen this woman in 4 years, and at the most tumultuous time in my life and career, there she is right infront of me.

Let me preface this: I have a problem...when I see someone from my past, instead of letting it go or politely saying hello, I stare. Like a stalker. Or in this case, I blurt out "HEY AMY AND DAN!" when I have NO idea if I even register in their brains from four years ago as the red-head who brought them Apple Pan, Extra Sugar Free Gum, and Starbucks at all hours of the day. Before I can control myself, I've spewed my perky little expectations all over them. Will they remember me? Will they ask me how I've been the last four years? Did they instantly regret not hiring me as their writers' assistant and letting me walk out the door forever? Then in a nano-second I shift to panic mode. My inner monologue starts spinning: "Crap, shit, damn. It's Amy and Dan who you haven't seen in four years, and last time you saw them you were a fucking gopher, and now you're a bonafide, paid, motherfucking writer, so make an impression damnit, be funny...no, witty...be so fucking witty you make her cry, okay not cry, but just don't say something stupid. "

I didn't make her cry. Basically, it was...okay. I didn't die, I didn't make a fool of myself. I'm sure she didn't remember my name, but she did seem to remember me. They had just come out of "Lady in the Water," and I proceeded to do some schtick about them walking out of the theater do an "it sucked shuffle." Yeah, I know. Lame. But they agreed and said they were going home to call everyone to tell them of said suckage. As I asked them what they're up to, I remember...THEY AREN'T ON GG ANYMORE. They left after contract negotiations fell through. So now I'm panicking that I don't say something stupid and insulting. So I change the subject to me. I managed to slip in the fact that I was writing freelance animation and they seemed genuinely pleased. So, near the end of our 3 minute exchange, I can see her ADD kicking in- I'm losing her, so I gracefully say "Nice seeing you, take care," and that was the end of it.

You might be asking, 'Why the fuck do you even care?' Good question. It does sound a bit obsessive, even pathetic. But really, it was more about the age old feeling of wanting to make your parents proud. And Amy, unbeknownst to her, was the first writer I really looked up to and wanted to impress...just like a parent. She may have a huge reputation for being crazy and a pain in the ass, but she was also really generous and never took advantage of me. Maybe I'm completely sentimental and delusional to care, but to say I didn't would be the biggest, fattest lie. I needed to see Amy and Dan...it was the perfect ending to my time with the ghosts of GG past. I've graduated to the big, gnarly world of Hollywood future, and all on my own. I'm looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.